Lower Counties Beaches (aka “Delaware”)

The plesiosaur—arch-nemesis and greatest object of my childhood fascination. Here’s a life-size plesiosaur dry-docked along the coast of the Lower Counties, which fondly refer to themselves as “Delaware.” I do not recognize Delaware’s statehood. The three counties that comprise it were all part of Pennsylvania till the height of the Revolutionary War. They declared their independence while Philadelphia was busy with weightier matters, thus rendering Pennsylvania the only state in the Northeast without a coastline, aside from Vermont (which at the time was still part of New York). My solution to the problem is this: We retake Delaware and grant statehood to Puerto Rico. That way the flag still has 50 stars, since there’s no place to put a new one. Besides, statehood looks ridiculous on the Lower Counties.

By the way, this is Joe Biden’s beach house. I sure hope someone younger and sharper steps up, but if not, a dopey old man is better than an evil one.